So my 4 year old daughter already has a boyfriend! And they don't just call each other that, in fact the little boy denies it most of the time. It's they way they are when they're in their "zone". The way they look at each other, the way they accidentally fall on top of each other just so they can be close.........I'm in so much trouble!!! The thing that boggles my mind is that neither one of them is perverted in any way! It's like this kind of affection just comes so naturally? They enjoy each others company and have little four year old conversations and tenderly kiss one another on the cheeks, and if I wasn't so freaked out that someday My daughter is gong to come home from cheer leading practice and announce that the quarterback got her pregnant I would actually think all of this was really sweet! Is it just innocent young love or is this a bird's eye view of what the future holds? Are some people more likely to lean towards this than others? Because my older son could care less about girls, he thinks their kind of annoying when they follow him around asking him to play..........why my only little girl? Why not my son so if he gets someone knocked up the other grandmother can raise the little twerp while the child parents finish high school?
Now on my QUEST FOR WEIGHT LOSS!!!! So far I have lost 10 lbs!
So this really cheesy book caught my attention because I am a sucker for cheesy self-help books. It's called "Women Food and God". And actually it's pretty good..........at least to me. It starts out by talking about the connection between food and Spirituality, which seems very far-fetched but to me it makes perfect sense. "You are what you eat" right? if you eat bad you get fat, and fat is gross. It means you are lazy and un-disciplined. It means that you have no self-control, you are a failure to yourself, to God, and to your family. IT is an obsession, one that you are reminded of every time you look in the mirror. But eventually you get to the place where you don't even have to look in the mirror, the image is burned into your head. And the self-loathing and binging start. Then you beat yourself up for binging, round and round we go, again and again and again. Then she talks about how when you realize that all this misery is not only self inflicted but unnecessary! What part of your life or your past can't you deal with? What pain, disappointment, loneliness, despair are you trying to escape? Everyone self-soothes is some way.........drugs, alcohol, work, food, sleep, shopping ect. you need time off, a break from your reality. But what if you just dealt with what your feeling? Your present reality, your disappointments. What if we chose to thrive in our everyday life instead of just "make it through" each day? What if it never gets any better than this? Is this vicious cycle of avoiding the real problem really better than just facing it? Is our pain that unbearable? Apparently it is for most of us. She quotes some Buddhist genius and says that the definition of hell is being where you are and spending all your time wishing you were somewhere else. I don't want to miss out on my life anymore because I'm too busy wishing for something else. Wishing I was thinner, wishing we had more money, wishing i loved my husband better, wishing i could slow down and enjoy my kids more. Wishing I was perfect. What the hell is the point?!!! Take in your life, it's beautiful, it's precious, there are thousands of moments that I will never get back because I spent them being disappointed in myself! It's madness! I don't want this obsession anymore! I want to be rid of it! i WANT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THINGS AGAIN! Deal with what life throws at me and take it in stride. I'm done living in hell when my life is actually Heaven on earth.
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